Image Credit: NBA on TNT
In true Sir Charles Barkley fashion, Chuck provided unorthodox, funny, yet valid analysis by proclaiming the following about the Portland Trail Blazers and their lack of success against Nikola Jokic after halftime:
“Let me just say this, they too light in the ass. They haven’t grown no ass since last week”
said Barkley. So...basically, the Portland Trail Blazers need to come together and get fatter in order for the Trail Blazers to have success moving forward. “...Portland just needs some more ass.” Barkley went on to say. Perhaps the organization could hire Raymond Felton as a consultant on the matter.
Now, I’m not sure if Charles Barkley is using the word ass as a euphemism for cojones, which can be grown and shrunk on a game by game basis, but it is pretty hard to just grow your ass in a matter of a two-day span. However the overall point that Barkley was trying to make actually held true from a scientific standpoint:
The combined weight of all the Portland Trail Blazers is 3,291 lbs, whereas the Denver Nuggets clock in at 3,656 lbs. This means that the Nuggets have a good 400+ lbs on the Trail Blazers.
Given this newfound information, who can truly blame the Trail Blazers for being based out of one of the most health conscious cities in the United States? Who can blame this squad for succumbing to the delicious and healthy food options in the Portland area that seem to be keeping the Trail Blazers leaner than that of the Denver Nuggets and the potato wrapped oysters that they seem to gorge on with some regularity,
However, that extra seafood and potato weight sure would come in handy for the Blazer bigs against Nikola Jokic and his physical barrage against them and seemingly the rest of the Blazers. In terms of size and depth, we don’t seem have a player that can match Jokic outright. Portland can’t help the fact that Denver has a whopping 31 Papa John’s locations. We just can’t compete with that level of commitment, in regards to possessing such a high quantity of shitty food.
In terms of actual hooping, the Blazers are going to need to do what they have to do and get Enes Kanter, Meyers Leonard and Zach Collins to step up, in terms of minutes and quality of play. They need to collectively ensure that they grow their cojones for Game 6 and give us everything they’ve got against in order to shut down Nikola Jokic and the rest Denver Nuggets (even their name implies food!).
Getting back to the pressing matter at hand: growing some ass, as Charles Barkley or Raymond Felton would recommend, I would maybe suggest taking a few team trips over to Voodoo doughnut and hitting the leg press while chowing down. Maybe then there could begin to be some balance and forced compromise, in regards to Nikola Jokic doing whatever the hell he wants to do. At this point, I’m open to anything.
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A group of life long blazer fans that are dedicated to sharing our authentic thoughts about the team. This unfiltered group is all about sharing the highs and lows of being a Blazer fan. We commit to one podcast a week where we encourage our fans to drink along with us and join the fun!